I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy — but that could change.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Seven More Sins

NYT reports:

Lust, gluttony, greed and the rest of the seven deadly sins gathered in the 6th century will have to get used to a modern companion. A Vatican official has articulated seven new categories of sin “due to the phenomenon of globalization.”

“While sin used to concern mostly the individual, today it has mainly a social resonance,” Monsignor Gianfranco Girotti told L’Osservatore Romano, Vatican City’s local paper. Bloomberg News parsed his remarks into a clip-n-savable list:

1. “Bioethical” violations such as birth control

2. “Morally dubious” experiments such as stem cell research

3. Drug abuse

4. Polluting the environment

5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor

6. Excessive wealth

7. Creating poverty

The message, according to a leading scholar on Catholic thought talking to BBC News, was meant as a reality check to priests “not sufficiently attuned to some of the real evils in our world.” There is more to life than following the Ten Commandments, it would seem.

A reminder: Here are The original offences and their punishments:
  1. Pride - Broken on the wheel
  2. Envy - Put in freezing water
  3. Gluttony - Forced to eat rats, toads, and snakes
  4. Lust - Smothered in fire and brimstone
  5. Anger - Dismembered alive
  6. Greed - Put in cauldrons of boiling oil
  7. Sloth - Thrown in snake pits
So, the $10,000 question is - how the new sins should be punished? Here is one suggestion:

1. “Bioethical” - non-stop watching a tape of Boutros Boutros-Ghali making out with with Rosie O'Donnell, say 10,000 seasons.

2. “Morally dubious” - 10,000 years scientific debate with George Bush. If either uses a word that is not in Oxford Dictionary - start over. So do consider your strategery very carefully.

3. Drug abuse - 10,000 hits by crack hardened snowballs in Hell thrown by Roger Clemens from 25 yards. Oh, who am I kidding, just three hits ought to do it.

4. Polluting the environment - Confinement in a small room with Al Gore having Klump size flatulence problem while Al explains how he was right on the heat in Hell after all (Every second sentence has to be - the debate is OVER).

5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor - No question here: Bill Gates explaining how when he cuts off your flesh and feeds it to the poor constitutes charity on his part. Demonstration to follow.

6. Excessive wealth - Forced to lick off the sweat in the fat folds of Sheikh Hamad bin Khalifa Al-Thani - Emir of the State of Qatar. Your Dollars at Work! Note: He will sweat on demand if asked by OPEC to increase production! On the bright side, Gene Simmons will be there to help out.

7. Creating poverty - Sitting in the middle of a triangle between Obama, Hilary and McCain while they take your money and intone thusly:

  • Obama: The Audacity!
  • Hilary: Who are you going to call?
  • McCain: Yes, we can!
  • Obama: Plagiarism !
  • Hilary: Another pillow?
  • McCain: NAFTA on both of your houses
  • etc...

Digg this

No comments:

post archive

post tags

новый самиздат

My photo
Silicone Valley, United States
I am a cantankerous man living and working in the Silicon Valley where reading books is an abomination that is virtually unheard of, frowned upon and may be detrimental to one's career. I avoid censure by never conceding that I ever read or owned a book in my life. If anyone accidentally glimpses my scant proficiency in any subject matter, I immediately accredit it to having glanced at DrudgeReport that day.

cantankerous reader bookshelf